Worried About Your Child or Teen Anxiety? 3 Things You Can Do Right Now

I have both good news and bad news to share with you. Let’s start with the bad news: You, on your own, do not possess the ability to ensure your child’s happiness. None of us do. That’s the unfortunate reality. However, the good news is that you wield more influence than you might realize. Your actions, support, and guidance can significantly impact your child’s well-being, especially when it comes to addressing challenges such as child anxiety.

One of the most common mistakes I observe parents making with their children is underestimating themselves. It’s easy to overlook how valued and essential you are, as well as the significant impact you can have. If your initial reaction to this notion leans towards thinking, “No, my child doesn’t seek my company,” or “They prefer solitude in their room,” then this message is particularly relevant for you.

Recognizing your own value can profoundly impact your relationship with your teenager. And the best part is, you have the ability to cultivate this mindset, even if it feels unfamiliar at first. Here are three actionable steps you can take immediately to relinquish misplaced power and embrace the influence you truly possess:

Step 1: Assume They Need And Want Your Attention

Whenever I’m asked about working with teenagers and how to connect with them, my mind drifts back to my days working with gang-involved youth at an alternative school in Chicago. Walking down the halls, I’d often hear kids calling out to me, saying, “Take me! Take me!” My approach? I simply assumed they craved my attention.

Granted, it wasn’t a walk in the park. I had to train myself to filter out the ‘behavioral noise’ – the defenses, the bravado, the defiance, and even the silence. I had to develop a thick skin and let those reactions slide off me. My task was to remain present, approachable, and attentive. What astonished me the most was how swiftly the kids could discern my authenticity. They shed their rebellious facade almost instantly, revealing their true selves: just kids.

I understand that as a parent, the dynamics are more complex. I’m both a mother and a stepmother, and I feel that disparity keenly. However, I assure you, that the desire for parental presence and guidance remains strong. In fact, they often yearn for their parents even more! That’s precisely why Step 2 holds such significance.

Step 2: Listen

Your teen’s silence doesn’t mean they don’t value your opinion. In fact, it might be the opposite. They might care too much about what you think. They know you well – your values, beliefs, and how you see the world. They probably agree with a lot of it. But it’s normal for teens to forge their own path, and they need to know you’re okay with that. Deep down (even if they act like they don’t care), they want your support.

The key is to listen actively. Ask questions to understand their perspective better. Don’t jump in with advice right away. Just show them you’re truly interested and taking in what they’re saying. Let them know their thoughts sparked something in you. This shows you’re open to their individuality and willing to adapt as they grow.

Furthermore, understanding the dynamics of child anxiety can provide valuable insights into their behaviors and responses. By recognizing potential anxiety triggers and offering appropriate support, you can further nurture their emotional well-being.

Step 3: Offer Therapy

Listening attentively to your teen without having a specific goal in mind can be a powerful way to connect. But what if that’s not enough? Therapy is always an option to consider.

While I may be a bit biased (after all, therapy is what I do!), it’s true that navigating adolescence alongside the complexities of the world today can be overwhelming, even for the most well-adjusted adults. When we’re overloaded, it can manifest in various ways. Depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, and other issues can stem from struggles with processing life’s stressors. Therapy provides a safe space for processing these challenges. It can not only lessen symptoms but also help develop coping mechanisms to prevent future issues.

A common challenge in parent-teen relationships stems from strong emotions on both sides. Teens often crave their parents’ approval, which can make them hesitant to fully express themselves. Conversely, parents’ deep concern for their teens’ well-being can lead to a reluctance to intervene for fear of causing problems. Addressing these dynamics in therapy can help alleviate tensions and foster healthier communication channels, particularly crucial when dealing with issues like child anxiety.

As a parent, taking a courageous step to break this cycle can be beneficial. While there may be some initial difficulties, addressing these anxieties and embracing open communication can lead to a stronger bond with your teen.  American Psychological Association (APA) suggests that strong parent-teen connections positively impact adolescents’ overall well-being.